Yes - it is YOU - not me!!

I'm STARTING to move past the hurt & pain! It is still very much there, but anger is beginning to move in! You are a LARGE reason why I stayed so miserable & depressed the entire time. Constantly walking on egg shells out fear of your anger, working to pay all the bills, listening to you whine about how you hated yourself, felt worthless, yet never doing anything to change it, you claiming to be the only person who ever did anything around the house, yet if I tried to do something you'd get pissed! You spent your days locked in a room, playing on your computer. When you 'watched' my youngest boy, it was actually the TV, video games etc that really watched him (checking on a kid every couple hours does not constitute watching him) then listening to you bitch about people who use TV as sitters. . . no wonder all he ever talked about was tv or video games. . . Listening to you bitch at me about how your friends wouldn't call you, FB message you, comment on your FB posts, return your texts - when YOU wanted them to & then be all smiley, happy when they did call you, never mentioning your feelings to them. Bitching to your friends about what was going on in my home, my llife that I was building & changing for you. . .but never talking to me about things bothering you about our relationship. Listening to you bitch about how much you hate your own mother & how she is always going on & on about things that MIGHT happen, playing out possible scenarios as if they already happened & then sitting & watching you do the exact same things! Listening to you piss & moan about how your ex-wives & your last 2 girlfriends took EVERYTHING away from you, leaving you with nothing, how they kept you from doing the things in your life you really wanted to do. . . After hearing you bitch SO much about people needing to take responsibility for thier lives & their actions. . .maybe it's time you take your own advice!!! YOU allowed those things to happen! You use everyone else as an excuse for you not doing things in your life, for your situations! It's NOT because you were putting others thoughts & feelings before your own - it's because you were too scared to try & used them as your scapegoats! You'd whine & cry about how much you love & miss your son. . .but you had to be reminded to even call him. You'd bitch because he didn't take initiative & call you - he's a KID for crying out loud! YOU be the MAN & call your son, reach out to him, be there for him! It's not his responsibility to reach out to you! Listening to you bitch about my son eating food I bought for the people in the house to eat. . . .hearing you say how rude & inconsiderate that was of him. . . how you go hungry & wouldn't eat much so others could eat. . . hrmmm if he was suppose to do the same - the food would have just sat there & spoiled!!! When my son asked to move back in - I asked you several times if it was okay, if it was the right thing to do. . .you ALWAYS said yes, were encouraging about it! The second he started to vome back - you created the drama & hatred. . never giving credit for a single positive thing - but always pointing out the negative, blowing it up to make it seem as if he were the devil himself! When I wanted to help out a friend in need - again - I asked you SEVERAL times. . . each time you were supportive & positive about it. . again - as soon as she started moving in - the anger, resentment, & drama started!!! But I'm the bad, evil person because I didn't kick my 17 year old son out of the house. . .I'm the horrible, evil spawn of satan because I didn't throw my friend's stuff in the street, I gave her a chance to find a place, finish her semester of school. . . Yes. . . you did do a LOT for me in getting rid of a lot of the drama & people who caused it & my legal situation. . . But I also did a whole hell of a LOT for you! You even said so numerous times how I literally saved your life. . .how close you were to eating a bullet before I came along. . . sad thing is - you made me want to eat a bullet more often than not! Hell - the job you have now - I found for you! Because as much as you bitched about not having a job, you never really tried to get one - you told me that yourself several times, because you were too scared to try! Never once did I bitch about your not working, not contributing to the household. I supported all you half-assed money making ideas that you never fully followed through with. You claim I lied to you to get you to MI. You claim I didn't tell you everything. You claim I brought you here under false pretenses & purely for selfish reasons. I told you before you came - there were always people in my house, I told you of all the stress I was under, I told you about my pending legal problems, I told you Marcus was waaaayyyy more than a handful. Yes i even told you I was purely selfish in bringing you here, but i also explained what I meant by that. I am a helping, loving, giving person by nature. I was trying to help you, love you & give you the world - it's what I do, who I am. By being able to help you I felt as if I had purpose & was doing something good in my life & to me that is selfish.The more I think about it. . . you are one of the biggest hypocrites out there! You shut me out - just as you do everyone. You lied to me constantly, kept things from me, emotionally, mentally & even physically abused me. . yet I still stood by your side, making excuses for you, standing up for you, defending you! Then you continued to use me after you left me. Claiming to be my friend, calling me, texting me several times a day, every day. Asking me for favors, using me to keep you company (over the phone) while you were on the road & no one else was available, telling me how much you trust me and how I know you better than anyone in the world. Now you found someone new & you don't even have the balls to tell me!?!?! You just block & ignore me, leaving your dog (well you always considered him just yours but who bought all his food, loved him & took care of him) behind. I'm sure you'll claim I took him from you - when you in fact abandonded him just like you have every one who ever cared about you - including your own son!You need to spend a whole hell of a lot more time looking in the mirror, judging & changing yourself instead of judging others! The people you claim to hate the most, the reasons you give for hating these people. . are the EXACT qualities YOU possess! You are fake, dishonest, sneaky, deceitful, you are full of hatred & anger, you are a sad & miserable person 90% of the time & blame it on others, you're a paranoid psycho who thinks everyone hates him & is out to kill him - that paranoia stems from you knowing who you truly are & how you really treat & think of everyone! Well, you always did say that sometimes you needded to hear the raw & honest truth about yourself & appreciated the times I did that. . . let's see if you still appreciate that!I should have listened to you LONG ago - you were right! IT IS, WAS & ALWAYS BE YOU - NOT ME!!!!!!